Self Esteem

Blogging from my phone today because I need to let out some steam.
Sometimes, I feel really confident (not in an egoistic way) about the things I do and stuff and I feel good about myself.
People in my school are civilised and don’t really talk about sensitive subjects (hint hint size hint hint) and even if we know that someone is of a larger size, we don’t talk about it, because, really what is there to make fun of?? People come in all shapes and sizes! (Fat skinny tall short deformed)

But there are other days (such as today) where somethings triggers off my confidence and my self esteem plunges down a chasm and flatlines. After that, for the next few days, I feel lousy about myself. Something happened during cca today (I no longer respect and admire mr chan) and my self esteem flatlined. I just laughed it off and acted like nothing happened, but deep inside, I’m crying and I’m struggling. My friends comfort me and tell me otherwise and I know that they are trying their best to make me feel better and boost my self esteem, but mr chan’s comment really hit me in the face. In this generation of bulimic and anorexic youths, size and weight is not something to joke about.

It’s not like I willingly want to be fat/chubby/bigger size than average and I do try my best to excersize but really who has time and energy to do that after a long day in school??? And also if you want to comment on my weight can you not do it in front of the whole orchestra? I value the respect my juniors have towards me and I love my juniors and I just dont feel comfortable asdfghjkl I did not expect a highly regarded 40+ year old man to say that. I may seem happy and confident in school everyday but sometimes everything is crumbling inside me.

Ok that’s it bye. I shall spend the next few days trying to rebuild my fragile self esteem.


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